After two years of marriage, I am no expert. I don’t have all the answers, I haven’t been through everything (or even a small proportion of everything). However, I do know more than I did two years ago, and I have picked up some habits that I think are really beneficial in my own marriage and I have 3 that I want to share with you in case you think they may help your marriage!
Go to bed at the same time
For some this may not be practical all the time, but when you get the opportunity try ensuring that you go to bed at the same time as your spouse. This is a great opportunity to spend some quality time discussing your day, or any topics and issues that have come up during the day. I have found having this regular time to be really valuable to be able to “debrief” on things we’ve done, and just to have a time where I know i’ll be able to tell my husband something – rather than trying to tell him all these stories whilst he’s in the middle of something else (and vice versa). We use this time to discuss our thoughts on things we’ve seen in the news, our plans for the future, our beliefs on certain topics, and what we might have for dinner the next day.
Greet each other when you arrive home
Personally, I really don’t like it when I arrive home and there’s no one to say hello or ask how my day was. It’s kind of lonely. So I really appreciate it when I arrive home and my husband chooses to stop what he’s doing even for just five minutes to say hello, check in, and see what we’re both up to for the rest of the evening. It makes me feel valued, and it keeps us communicating when we haven’t seen each other for most of the day.
Only speak well of each other in public
I guess this is a call against gossip, against bad-mouthing others, and against focusing on the negatives; but I think this an especially important habit to develop when it comes to your spouse. This is a person you spend a lot of time with, of course there are going to be things about them that bother you, we’re all human. But it’s so easy to fall into the trap of discussing all their flaws with your friends, complaining about them and not focusing on the good that they do. A way to combat this is to develop the habit of only speaking well of your spouse in public as it really helps you to focus upon the good things they have done, and what you love about them. You should have certain friends, or a mentor, that you go to to discuss any difficulties or issues you might be facing in your marriage but this should be someone you trust to support you and point you in the right direction rather than just encouraging you to complain and wallow in your problems. This ensures that you are able to talk to someone about the challenges of marriage, without allowing your heart to become bogged down in the negatives that you can think of.
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